Each morning when we wake up God gives us a choice. A choice to choose between good and evil. A choice to make our own decisions for what is best in our lives. Why is it that with so many choices we choose what seems to be the easiest path and it turns out to be the most dangerous for us. The path that leads us to temptations. A path that somehow seems the easiest is sometimes the path that causes self doubt and hatred in ourselves.
Every morning when I wake up I am faced with the choice to chose between eating food that is good and healthy for my body or the path filled with junk food and sugars. One path seems to be the obvious and the easiest choice, but somehow each day I tend to fail. I find the pit falls, dangerous traps and that famous “black bear”. It seems like I spend each evening with self hatred and denial and they are the two that I hate the most!! Then each day and every day I re-live it over and over like one of those silly movies that never end.
I am so tired of this vicious cycle. Losing weight can’t be that difficult can it? I know that 90% of losing this weight is just getting my head on straight. Allowing friends and family to support me. Having the strength to run the other way from those temptations. When I eat sugar and junk I fall back into that vicious circle of self hate. I cannot live this way. I will not live this way. Right now sugar has a very strong hold on me. It calls my name and leads me to items in the house that are full of it.. items that I didn’t throw away earlier because I felt they were safe items. I have to clean my house from this junk food. I have to replace it with healthy fruits, veggies and low fat dairy.
Why is it that I can eat half a bag of chips or 4 candy bars but I would never dream of eating 4 apples. I need to eat the apples!! If I chose to binge on foods. The very least I can do for my body is to eat those items that have some redeeming qualities. I have to do this so my children can have a healthy mom. I have to do this so I can live my golden years with my hubby. I have to do this for me.. so that I can find once again that happiness that being fat has taken away. I have to always remember to never quit.. that God does give me a choice and he offers that choice every single second, minute, hour and day. I have to forgive myself for my mistakes and move on. I have to make peace with food.
2 comments:
Dear Teresa,
Your post is very touching and it almost made me cry....it looks like you looked inside a crystal ball and
read some of the thoughts and feelings that I often have at night.
I believe that getting rid of items that are toxic to your body is the best thing that you can do...but knowing that things cost money and that you are a frugal person it can be a hard choice. My
suggestion to you is that you take
those items and donate them to people in need at a church or to homeless people who will appreciate your kindness.
I have not heard from you through
the internet or in person, but I want you to know that you are very
important to me and that I have learned a lot from you. For my birthday last year I decided to give myself a gift that only I CAN
provide....I took care of myself and was able to enjoy a little victory of weight loss. I am almost
back to where I started and problems with vision and hypertension are returning. So my pain is self inflicted....the costs
are high! Sleepless nights, tons of
meds to take and pay for!
Those sweet morsels melted quickly in my mouth and stayed in my hips for weeks....NOT WORTH the pain!
You have inspired me to save money
and weight...please be A GIFT TO YOURSELF too! Love yourself through self care as you love others.
Hugs from Austin,
Austincoups at Gmail. com
Hi there, I read your post and thought, "that's me all over" I have struggled for years with the weight (I'm way fatter than you) you can look in my blog to see how fat I am (its back near the first post)
http://aladyforty.blogspot.com/2009/02/sad-days.html?showComment=1234526160000#c2736403889343864905
I so want to be free of this weight problem that I'm now on a long waiting list for lap band surgery, I had to go public health and here in western Australia the waiting time is around two years, I'm down to another year to wait. I'm scared I wont see that year out sometimes. I really detest myself sometimes. Some days are diamonds as John Denver sang, but I have have more days that are stone
Julie
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